February 2018 is a topsy-turvy journey for me and my family’s life. The end of January and February didn’t fare well for us. We ended up losing a loved one from a fight with cancer. I was unable to write anything on my blog due to the pain of losing someone who was a big part of my life.
Despite that, I managed to read a book that got me sidetracked from all the emotions. Reading a book is a therapeutic activity that gets you by in times of grief. The book for February is Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.
This book is a self-help book that tackles different principles with the right way of dealing with people. It has been said that one of the common things successful men and women have is reading Dale Carnegie’s book. The book has been sold over 30 million copies worldwide.
There are four parts in the book with different principles but the first part of the book is the most fundamental and basic principle that the other parts rely upon. The first part of the book is the basic principle which is the do’s and don’ts in dealing with people.
“Principle 1 : Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain.”
Criticism fails. It doesn’t yield any good to the critic and to the one who is being criticized. It is better to praise people for good behavior than criticize for the bad one. Dogs learn better when they are rewarded. This principle applies to human beings, too.
The right way to acknowledge people’s mistakes is to appreciate the things they are doing right and emphasize that they need to do things differently to meet expectation in a manner that doesn’t make them feel inferior. It is a hard principle to follow but it works especially if you want to be a great leader.
“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain — and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”
“Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.”
In a generation where everything we need is accessible – health, food, sleep, money, sex; there’s one need that we always crave for that is less likely gratified. It is our need to be appreciated and the need to feel important.
Give appreciation to people. Appreciate rather than flatter. There’s a difference between appreciation and flattery. Appreciation is genuine and flattery is not.
“Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
“Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.”
The last principle in the first part talks about the one trait that people like about other people – Empathy. Always empathize and put your shoes on the other person. See from their perspective. If you want to influence people, you have to motivate them in terms of what motivates them.
It’s like selling cars. If you are selling cars, you have to sell something fitting to your client’s want. You have to see their wants to get what you want.
“The rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage.”
The three principles in the first part are the basic techniques for people to like you. The second part talks about the six ways to make people like you. The third part talks about ways on winning people to your way of thinking and lastly, the way to become a leader and change people.
Dale Carnegie’s book is a book that will make you a better person and it is also a soothing relief from stress.
Hope you get a copy!